In this blog, I outline the reasons why I have decided to start my own bereavement friendship and support group.
What’s the point?
For years I have always wondered about what happens to people once I have conducted a funeral for their people. To the old folks who have been married for 50 and 60 years and now find themselves alone, what do they do now? What happens when the phone calls stop and the visits from family and friends become less frequent?
I joined the charity I work for part time because my role is to find volunteer friends for socially isolated people, many of retirement age who were feeling as they were because there had been a spousal death or their partner may have gone into a care facility and they were suddenly faced with four walls and few options.
In this charity role, I joined the Bereavement services, matching clients with volunteers who specialised in grief conversations, though not counselling, and also ran groups where there were activities for change – to try to educate people about tools they can use to move forward in their grief. In March this year, that service ceased to exist due to a lack of funding and I was gutted not to be able to provide a level of support to people I knew needed somewhere to go to talk about their feelings and gather support from others in a similar situation.
There had to be another option.
I happened to have a conversation with a lady who worked for a Funeral Directors who have branches all over Essex and she mentioned that they ised to hold friendship groups pre covid but had never got them up and running after as a lot of the members seemed to keep in touch with each other with out their involvement. Sarah told me that they would be happy to provide some sponsorship for groups held locally and asked if I would be interested. I took about three minutes to think about it and accepted!!
But where do you start – What do you even call it?? I bounced some ideas around. I researched Death Cafe’s and realised the branding and regulations where not what I was looking for. I listened to some podcasts and questioned AI and came up with a few alternatives to which I then asked for feedback from family and friends and via social media. And so it became – Mourning Brew – Genius!!
I approached one of my friends at a city centre art gallery to see if she could help me with space and described that I was looking to hold a group for those who had been bereaved and wanted to meet others for friendship and support. This would not be an activity based group but I did need a space where we could bring refreshments and have a chat with some privacy in case anyone got emotional. Because she and the galery are blooming marvellous they agreed to provide me with a space within my budget and open up a space in their cafe area too so members could congregate where they felt most comfortable.
So, I have the facilitator (me!), the location, the sponsorship (Thanks Hunnaballs Family Funeral Directors) but who is this for?
My aim is to provide friendship and support for all of those who feel like they need to address their bereavement, there is no time limit as to how long ago their person died, it doesn’t have to be grief about a certain person (spouse, child etc), it doesn’t matter how old they are. I want everyone to feel valid in their grief, welcome to explore and share their feelings and to do so with people of all ages who understand what it means to have lost someone important in their life.
People can become very socially isolated in grief and so this group will open a welcoming door that says “Come in, we’re here for you” and “Welcome back to the world”. It can also be good to experience share about how people felt at certain times – Is year two of a bereavement harder than year one? What do you do to mark anniversaries? How do you cope with Christmas? This support is invaluable to help people not feel so alone and to recognise their feelings as a normal part of the process of grief.
What can you expect from this group?
A monthly in person, get together in a private space, for about an hour, with others who have experienced a bereavement, to talk and share in a safe, friendly, inclusive, non-judgemental way with anyone of any age and background who wants friendship and support over refreshements.
We might try some exercises (not aerobic ones!) that can help to move forward when someone is feeling stuck in a certain thought cycle. We might ask each other to examine why they believe their thoughts and feelings are valid or not? We might use some tools to help with self compassion and personal development. This will all be guided by the group and not inflicted on them.
They will not receive counselling (I am not a trained Counsellor), they may receive some NLP Skills (I have a Diploma in Neurolinguistic Programming), they may be encouraged to test some boundaries when it comes to change (I am a qualified Life Coach), we might discuss some misconceptions about what happens at the end of life that might be hampering people’s ability to move forward (I am qualifications in End of Life Care). It’s a non-religious group, however, if you are of any faith you are still welcome to join. If you don’t want to talk straight away, that’s fine, sometimes even I take a while to warm up to sharing!
Remember that healing is not about forgetting and sharing grief is not about being ‘fixed’ but its not about being alone either.
How to get involved:
Join me, at First Site Gallery, Lewis Gardens, Colchester CO1 1JH at 10am on Tuesday 10th June.
Bring £2 as a donation and some money for refreshements and snacks.
If you’d like more information then please do get in touch via my website or social media links or email me at Info@shelleybell.co.uk
