A Gentle Guide by Shelley Bell Celebrant
Christmas is often described as the most wonderful time of the year, but for many of us, it can also be one of the most emotional. As the lights twinkle and families gather, we may feel the presence — and the absence — of loved ones who are no longer with us more deeply than at any other time.
And it isn’t only Christmas that stirs these feelings. Weddings, vow renewals, baby namings, and other milestone ceremonies can bring that bittersweet mixture of joy and longing. As a celebrant, I witness this often: the way people smile through tears, the way a single memory can light up a room, and how honouring the people we have lost can bring comfort, connection, and even healing.
In this blog, I want to offer some gentle, meaningful ways to honour your loved ones at Christmas and at special events throughout the year — so that their presence is felt, cherished, and brought lovingly into your celebrations.
Why We Honour Our Loved Ones
Grief doesn’t disappear because the calendar turns to December or because a wedding day arrives. Our love continues, and so does our longing. Incorporating remembrance into our celebrations isn’t a sign of sadness — it’s an act of love. It allows us to say:
“You’re still part of us. You’re still here in the ways that matter.”
Honouring our dead at Christmas or including missing relatives in a wedding or ceremony helps us:
-
Keep their memory alive
-
Feel connected to our roots
-
Create continuity between generations
-
Share stories with younger family members
-
Move forward without “leaving them behind”
Whether your loss is recent or many years old, rituals of remembrance can be profoundly comforting.
Ways to Honour Loved Ones at Christmas
1. Light a Candle of Remembrance
A simple candle at the dinner table or on the mantelpiece can symbolise the light they brought into your life. Many families choose to light it on Christmas Eve or Christmas morning while saying a few quiet words.
2. Hang a Special Ornament
Memory ornaments — personalised baubles, photo decorations, or handmade tributes — can become an annual moment of connection. Each year, placing it on the tree becomes a small ritual that says: “You are still part of this.”
3. Cook Their Favourite Dish
Food is a powerful emotional anchor. Baking Nan’s mince pies or serving your dad’s favourite pudding brings back their warmth and personality in the most nurturing way.
4. Share Their Stories
At Christmas gatherings, take a moment to speak their name and tell a funny, touching, or meaningful memory. Storytelling is one of the oldest forms of remembrance — and one of the most healing.
5. Take a Moment of Stillness
Among the bustle of the season, pause. Sit by the tree or step outside into the quiet winter air. Let yourself feel what you feel — no judgement, just gentleness.
Honouring Loved Ones at Weddings, Vow Renewals & Special Events
As a celebrant, I am often asked how to acknowledge missing relatives during a ceremony. There are many beautiful and subtle ways to do this, and each one can help bring comfort while maintaining the joyful tone of the day.
1. A Memory Table or Memory Chair
A framed photo, a favourite item, or a small candle can create a serene space that says, “You are here with us in spirit.” Some couples include a chair with a flower placed on it to symbolise a loved one’s ongoing place in the family.
2. Including Their Favourite Song
Music has an extraordinary ability to transport us emotionally. Playing a song associated with a loved one — either quietly in the background, or during a significant moment — can honour them with tenderness.
3. Bouquet Charms or Keepsakes
Many brides and grooms choose to carry a charm, locket, brooch, tie pin, or small token that belonged to a relative. It becomes a private, personal way of keeping them close.
4. Mentioning Them in the Ceremony
As a celebrant, I can weave a short dedication or moment of reflection into the script — gentle, heartfelt, and suited to your tone. This can be incredibly meaningful and allows everyone present to acknowledge those missing with grace.
5. Rituals of Remembrance
Symbolic acts can include:
-
Lighting a candle at the start of the ceremony
-
Pouring a libation
-
Placing a flower in a vase
-
Sharing a reading or poem dedicated to them
These moments create space for remembrance without overwhelming the celebration.
Grief and Joy Can Coexist
One of the most important truths I share in my work is that grief and joy are not opposites. They can sit together beautifully. You can laugh, dance, and celebrate, while still wishing that someone special could be there to share it with you.
Including your loved ones in your Christmas traditions or wedding day doesn’t dampen the joy — it enriches it. It acknowledges the love that shaped you, the people who walked beside you, and the memories that have made you who you are.
A Final Thought from Shelley Bell Celebrant
As we move through Christmas, wedding seasons, and the milestones of life, may we remember with tenderness, celebrate with openness, and honour with love. Our loved ones may no longer stand beside us, but they live on — in our traditions, our stories, our hearts, and the moments we choose to acknowledge their place in our journey.
If you would like support in crafting a ceremony that gently honours those you miss — whether for a wedding, funeral, or memorial — I would be honoured to help you create something beautiful and deeply personal.
With warmth, compassion, and remembrance,
Shelley Bell Celebrant
