How to write wedding vows that are personal, meaningful, memorable and completely, wonderfully YOU
Let’s talk about wedding vows.
Those little words that can somehow feel like the biggest words you’ll ever have to write.
For some couples, the idea of writing your own wedding vows sounds romantic and exciting. For others, it sounds terrifying. Where do you even start? What should you say? How long should they be? Do you have to make everyone cry?
And, most importantly…
How do you write something heartfelt without sounding like you’ve swallowed a romantic greeting card?
Good news. You don’t.
Your wedding vows don’t need to be perfect. They don’t need to rhyme. They don’t need to sound like Shakespeare. They certainly don’t need to contain every single detail of your relationship.
They simply need to sound like you.
As an independent celebrant, I love helping couples create ceremonies that tell their story, and your vows are one of the most personal parts of that story.
So, grab a cuppa, find a quiet corner and let’s get those creative juices flowing.
What are wedding vows?
Wedding vows are the promises you make to each other during your wedding ceremony.
Traditionally, couples might have used formal or religious wording. But when you choose a celebrant-led wedding ceremony, you have much more freedom to create vows that reflect your personalities, relationship, values and hopes for the future.
Your vows can be:
- Romantic
- Funny
- Emotional
- Quirky
- Short and sweet
- Long and heartfelt
- Traditional with a personal twist
- Completely unique
There really isn’t a one-size-fits-all approach.
Your relationship isn’t a template, so why should your vows be?
Why write your own wedding vows?
Writing your own vows gives you the opportunity to say the things that matter to you, in your own words.
You can talk about the moment you first met, the things you love about your partner, the adventures you’ve shared, the challenges you’ve overcome and the future you’re excited to build together.
You can make promises that are meaningful to your relationship.
Perhaps you promise to always make the tea.
Maybe you’ll promise to support their questionable obsession with buying plants.
Perhaps your vows will include a promise to dance in the kitchen, make each other laugh, navigate life’s difficult days together or always order the chips.
The small things can be just as meaningful as the big things.
In fact, sometimes they’re the most meaningful of all.
Before you start writing your wedding vows
Don’t sit down with a blank piece of paper and expect a beautifully crafted declaration of love to magically appear.
That’s putting an awful lot of pressure on yourself.
Instead, start by thinking about your relationship.
Ask yourself these questions:
What did I first notice about my partner?
Was it their smile? Their laugh? Their terrible chat-up line?
When did I realise I was falling in love?
Was there a particular moment when you thought, “Oh. This person is definitely my person”?
What do I love most about them?
Think beyond “they’re kind” or “they make me laugh”.
What do they actually do that makes you feel loved?
What memories make you smile?
Your first date? A disastrous holiday? Moving house? Getting a pet? That time everything went spectacularly wrong but you laughed about it afterwards?
What have you learned from your relationship?
Perhaps you’ve learned patience, compromise, resilience, or that nobody really needs quite so many cushions.
What do you admire about your partner?
What qualities make you proud to be standing beside them?
What are you looking forward to?
Growing old together? Travelling? Building a home? Starting a family? Adopting approximately seventeen more dogs?
What promises do you genuinely want to make?
This is where your vows become yours.
Your wedding vows don’t have to be serious
There seems to be a misconception that wedding vows have to be deeply emotional from beginning to end.
They don’t.
If you’re a couple who laughs together, put some humour into your vows.
Maybe you promise:
- To always let them have the last roast potato.
- To pretend not to notice when they buy another pair of shoes.
- To support their football team, even if you absolutely do not understand the offside rule.
- To make tea when they’ve had a rubbish day.
- To share the remote.
- To continue dancing badly in the kitchen.
- To always be their biggest cheerleader.
The best wedding ceremonies often have a mixture of laughter and emotion.
After all, real relationships contain both.
How long should wedding vows be?
There isn’t a magic number.
However, one to two minutes is often plenty.
Remember that you’ll probably be standing in front of your friends and family, possibly feeling slightly emotional, while trying to remember the words you’ve spent weeks writing.
Short doesn’t mean meaningless.
A few carefully chosen sentences can say far more than ten minutes of waffle.
And if you’re worried about your vows being wildly different lengths, have a chat with your celebrant beforehand.
I can help you create some guidelines so that you’re both working within roughly the same framework while still keeping your vows personal.
A simple wedding vow structure
If you’re staring at a blank page wondering where on earth to begin, try this structure:
1. Start with your story
Talk briefly about your relationship.
For example:
“When we met, I never imagined that…”
or:
“From the moment we…”
2. Say what you love about them
Be specific.
Instead of:
“I love how kind you are.”
Try:
“I love the way you always notice when someone needs a little extra kindness.”
Specific details make vows feel personal.
3. Mention a memory
Choose one or two moments that mean something to you.
It could be romantic, funny or completely ridiculous.
4. Look towards the future
What are you excited about?
What do you want to experience together?
5. Make your promises
This is the heart of your vows.
Choose promises that are genuine and realistic.
6. Finish with something memorable
End with a sentence that sums up how you feel.
It doesn’t need to be grand.
Sometimes:
“I choose you, today and every day.”
is enough.
What should you promise in wedding vows?
This is where you can really make your vows personal.
Traditional promises often focus on loving, supporting and standing beside each other through life’s ups and downs.
But your promises can reflect your actual relationship.
You might promise:
“I promise to listen, even when I think I’m right.”
“I promise to make you laugh when life gets difficult.”
“I promise to always save you the last biscuit.”
“I promise to celebrate your successes and sit beside you through the difficult days.”
“I promise to keep choosing you, even when life isn’t easy.”
The key is authenticity.
Don’t promise something because it sounds romantic if you know you can’t realistically keep it.
Your vows aren’t a performance.
They’re promises.
Should wedding vows be funny or romantic?
Why choose?
Funny and romantic can absolutely live together.
You might make everyone laugh with a story about your first date before moving into something more heartfelt.
That contrast can make your vows even more powerful.
For example:
“I knew I loved you when you laughed at my terrible joke. I knew I was definitely in trouble when you started making equally terrible jokes yourself.”
Then bring it back to what really matters.
“I promise to keep laughing with you, even when life gives us absolutely nothing to laugh about.”
That’s personal.
That’s meaningful.
And it sounds like a real couple rather than a greeting card.
Don’t try to impress everyone
This is important.
Your vows aren’t a speech for your guests.
They’re for your partner.
Don’t worry about whether your aunt will think they’re romantic enough or whether your best friend will laugh at the jokes.
Write for the person standing opposite you.
Think about what they need to hear from you.
What have you always wanted them to know?
What do you want to promise them?
What do you want to remember about this moment years from now?
Start there.
What should you avoid putting in your wedding vows?
There are no hard and fast rules, but I’d suggest avoiding anything that could make your partner deeply uncomfortable.
That includes:
- Embarrassing stories they have specifically asked you not to tell.
- Private jokes that nobody else understands.
- Past relationships.
- Anything designed to humiliate them.
- Promises you don’t genuinely intend to keep.
- Huge paragraphs copied from Pinterest without making them your own.
And please don’t panic if your first draft is terrible.
First drafts are supposed to be terrible.
Get the words down first.
You can make them beautiful later.
Can you use quotes in your wedding vows?
Absolutely.
A meaningful quote, poem, song lyric or piece of literature can be lovely.
But be careful about relying too heavily on someone else’s words.
Your vows should still sound like you.
If there is a particular poem or quote that has special meaning to you as a couple, tell your celebrant. There may be a beautiful way to incorporate it into the wider ceremony rather than using it as the entirety of your vows.
What if I’m not good at writing?
That’s where your celebrant can help.
Seriously.
You don’t have to be a writer to have wonderful wedding vows.
As a celebrant, part of my job is helping couples find the words when they know what they feel but aren’t quite sure how to say it.
Sometimes the best approach is simply to talk.
Tell me your story.
Tell me about the first date.
Tell me what makes you laugh.
Tell me what you adore about each other.
Tell me about the difficult times you’ve navigated together.
Tell me what you’re excited about.
I’ll listen.
From there, we can find the words.
Should you write your vows together or separately?
That’s entirely up to you.
Some couples write their vows independently because they want the surprise of hearing them for the first time during the ceremony.
Others agree on a rough structure or a few promises beforehand.
There isn’t a right answer.
If you’re worried about one person writing three paragraphs and the other producing approximately six words and a nervous smile, agree some basic guidelines.
For example:
- Similar length
- Similar structure
- Three promises each
- One funny memory
- One thing you love about each other
- One hope for your future
You can still keep the actual wording secret.
Don’t forget the practical stuff
You’ve written your beautiful vows.
You’ve cried.
You’ve laughed.
You’ve edited them approximately 47 times.
Now make sure they’re actually usable on the day.
Print them out.
Practice reading them out loud three times, you will then find any grammatical errors, spelling mistakes and the rhythm of what you are trying to say.
Use a large enough font.
Don’t make things difficult for yourself!
Leave plenty of spacing.
Big, clear text is easier to read when you’re emotional. If there is a sentence that makes you catch your breath then leave a space and write Breathe in the space just before.
I’ll print your copy.
I’ve had people use their phones or scraps of paper but let me help you look professional with a ready printed Vows booklet and a copy in my script to reproduce in your commemorative edition.
You might cry.
That’s okay.
Crying during your vows doesn’t mean you’ve got it wrong.
It means you’re human.
Take a breath.
Pause.
Smile.
Carry on.
Your vows don’t have to be perfect
This might be the most important thing I can tell you.
Your wedding vows don’t need to be polished like a professional speech.
They don’t need to be profound.
They don’t need to make every guest reach for a tissue.
They need to be honest.
Years from now, you probably won’t remember whether you used the perfect adjective.
You will remember standing there, looking at the person you love, and making those promises.
That’s the magic.
A final little prompt to get you started
If you’re still staring at that blank page, go for a walk, turn on voice recorder on your phone and as you walk finish these sentences:
I knew you were special when…
I love the way you…
You make me laugh when…
One of my favourite memories of us is…
You’ve taught me…
I promise to…
I can’t wait to…
Whatever happens, I want you to know…
And finally:
Today, I choose you because…
Don’t overthink it.
Be honest.
Be cheeky if you have to.
The beautiful words will come later.
Listen to it back and write it down or get IA to do this for you.
Your wedding. Your vows. Your story.
There are plenty of wedding traditions worth keeping.
There are plenty worth changing.
And there are plenty you can completely ignore.
That’s one of the joys of a celebrant-led wedding ceremony.
Your ceremony can be traditional, alternative, quirky, relaxed, romantic, hilarious, emotional, or a gloriously brilliant mixture of all of the above.
Your vows should fit the two people saying them.
Not a wedding magazine.
Not Pinterest.
Not somebody else’s idea of what a wedding should look like.
You.
Because your love story isn’t generic.
Your wedding shouldn’t have to be either. ❤️
Need a little help finding the words?
As an independent wedding celebrant and event planner, I can help you create a ceremony that feels personal from beginning to end, including helping you shape those all-important wedding vows.
Whether you’re planning a relaxed outdoor wedding, an elopement, a woodland ceremony, a barn wedding or something completely different, we can create something that reflects who you are.
No cookie-cutter ceremonies.
No forced traditions.
Just your story, your promises and a wedding ceremony that’s unmistakably you.
Ready to write vows that sound like you? Let’s chat.
